Anyone with an anxiety disorder knows the wave of depression that threatens your core. It comes out of nowhere, I can feel it coming but, am powerless to stop it or even warn those around me that it is coming. I read it described as a tidal wave building offshore and then crashing down on you, leaving destruction in its path, changing your every emotion and thought. The only thing I can do is scramble down the rabbit hole looking desperately for Alice and her magic mushrooms. Once I hit the bottom of the hole all the useless advice of; “shaking things off, it is part of life, why can’t you just snap out of it, you should not have gone off your medicine and what is the matter” do nothing but, push me into a corner of my darkness. Rational reasoning and frustrated accusations do not help anything or anybody. What I need is calm and to be safe in my surroundings. As the pressure is released then so are my fears. Only then can I contemplate climbing out of the safety of my rabbit hole. I have taken anti-depressants for years, being on 2 for the last few years and was starting to feel like I could do without them. You hear of people going off their meds all the time and I bet you wonder or even blame their erratic behavior on their decision to stop their medications. It is all part of the anxiety of being in control of your well-being.
“The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded sometimes destroyed.”
So, I quit taking the Prozac, just knowing that it had to go. After a couple weeks without it I felt fine, nobody close to me even noticed a difference. Ha, I’ve got this! So next step is going off the Wellbutrin…nope, not a good idea, they call it Well-butrin for a reason. Fine, I can live with that. Well or not, you can’t control all that goes on in your life, sometimes the best place to be is in the rabbit hole. I’m thankful for that.
Ok, so maybe not the Happy Thanksgiving you were looking for but, not everyone can be 10 feet tall, sometimes the pressure of everyday life can make you feel very small.
My wish to those is to have less to do, take a breath and be thankful for the little things around you.